There I said it.
I never thought I would feel this way. In JC, even with all the cramming and stuff, I still felt like I Wanted to study and I did appreciate exams cos they made me synthesize everything I learnt. But now, BAH.
I don't know. Its odd. Its finals and I don't even care what grade I get. When I study, I know I should study more, learn some proofs. I know. But I don't do it. Whats wrong with me? I CONSCIOUSLY don't do it and frankly I don't care. Finals are like an obstacle to me enjoying my holidays.
I used to want to get an A. Pride you know? But now I don't care... Its like as long as get a minimum, the one that PSC wants, I don't care much anymore.
Am I burnt out? From applying to grad school, doing take homes and studying for finals, doing a term paper, my honors thesis and relationship woes? Maybe.
Or has Berkeley simply changed my priorities? Its all personal choice I guess. I don't judge others on their preferences. But mine seems to have shifted. Maybe I got lazier but I don't think so. I guess I feel like I learn more from outside of school. Kinda. Like life skills... I learn from my classes too but its a different kind of learning you know? And if I were to work hard for my A, and hard work is what it is, I would have to give up some of this outside learning. Or I would have to lower the commitment to other stuff. I mean, I didn't come here only to study right?
But yah. I don't care studying anymore. I guess I care about what I get. But I don't care enough to put in the effort.
Why the heck am I doing grad school?
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3 comments:
I agree with that one line -- you didn't just come to college to study. The question is: Have you've gotten that other thing out of college yet?
you're doing grad sch cos you can and psc believes in u? so should be glad lah =) grad sch is a far away thought for poor ppl like me =P
gosh, that totally sounds like me! looks like we're in the same boat.. :P
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